I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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