I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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