theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
