Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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