In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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