I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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