I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
