If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
