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we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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