If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you never un-have a 4some
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
