Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was a blind-side dick pic.