im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list