Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (3458) Bad night (836)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

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  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (4208) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

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  (317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka. http://tfl.nu/vpiu
  Replies (10) Good night (4739) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

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  (985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud
  Replies (49) Good night (2372) Bad night (9523)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

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  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
  Replies (91) Good night (6436) Bad night (1553)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.

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  (606): I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents. http://tfl.nu/w3i6
  Replies (8) Good night (3639) Bad night (1821)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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  (716): You can't have your penis and eat it, too. http://tfl.nu/3eoi
  Replies (14) Good night (2516) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

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  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
  Replies (17) Good night (1732) Bad night (3454)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  can you blow me for old times sake

  (951): View more from California

  only for old times sake

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  (760): can you blow me for old times sake (951): only for old times sake http://tfl.nu/ab6d
  Replies (9) Good night (3968) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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  (215): I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident. http://tfl.nu/6tc4
  Replies (13) Good night (1758) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous

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  (785): I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous http://tfl.nu/ltir
  Replies (14) Good night (1261) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.

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  (734): I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued. http://tfl.nu/8osh
  Replies (8) Good night (1179) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!

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  (308): I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!! http://tfl.nu/47bh
  Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong

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  (605): Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong http://tfl.nu/jxwn
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?

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  (330): Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to? http://tfl.nu/t7h6
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (551)

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