We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
