We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize