So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His hands were made for my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
