You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
