Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
