we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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