You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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