We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
