i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
