you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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