Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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