Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
