Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
