dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
