maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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