the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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