if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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