Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.