Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

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(847): you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up http://tfl.nu/wwvz

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(440): View more from Ohio

im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs

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(440): im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs http://tfl.nu/wg4t

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(727): View more from Florida

He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide

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(727): He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide http://tfl.nu/4asu

Replies (7) Good night (599) Bad night (3393)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.

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(203): I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/3knu

Replies (12) Good night (1335) Bad night (4065)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

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(757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms

Replies (22) Good night (14453) Bad night (1475)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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(803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l

Replies (18) Good night (7852) Bad night (1249)
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(515): View more from Iowa

you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

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(515): you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation. http://tfl.nu/yqu2

Replies (8) Good night (3741) Bad night (975)
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(562): View more from California

don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

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(562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku

Replies (3) Good night (2509) Bad night (621)
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(406): View more from Montana

I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

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(406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2

Replies (3) Good night (1773) Bad night (520)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.

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(307): i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears. http://tfl.nu/ndjg

Replies (5) Good night (1431) Bad night (396)
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(951): View more from California

Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.

(1-951): View more from California

Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.

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(951): Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck. (1-951): Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician. http://tfl.nu/esvj

Replies (10) Good night (1469) Bad night (535)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.

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(573): I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh. http://tfl.nu/ykfv

Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (389)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.

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(339): I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever. http://tfl.nu/09i5

Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (302)
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(540): View more from Virginia

why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus

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(540): why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus http://tfl.nu/csxp

Replies (5) Good night (283) Bad night (712)
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(917): View more from New York City

i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.

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(917): i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk. http://tfl.nu/j4wz

Replies (0) Good night (229) Bad night (364)

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