OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says