i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?