Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
