hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
