Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
