His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
