Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
