you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He shit in the fireplace
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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