Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
