The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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