i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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