I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
