I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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