I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had sex on a roof
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
