I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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