Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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