Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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