Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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