I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
