Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
