Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
