so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
