Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
