I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize