she was so not down for the gang bang
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
