Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
