I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
