We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
