I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
