I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
