You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
