what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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