Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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