So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
