My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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