tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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