Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
