he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
