look no pants
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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