If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
