We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
