Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
