there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
