You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
