oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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