which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
