i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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