if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
