I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
