She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
