Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
