I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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