He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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