her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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