I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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